2019: A year in pictures

I didn’t spend any time writing this year, except to friends and family which is really a tragic shame that I have to spend some time on to make sense of why that was so, not for you dear reader. Today, I was googling artists and writers that spend time doing what appeared to be nothing to give myself some comfort – most of the stories weren’t really so positive so I knocked that off and here I am. I can just say that sometimes all the stories in my head are so loud and twisted together, I can’t make just one stand alone – maybe this next year, I can get better at that? Here’s hoping.

Good news, while I have a boatload of cliches about this past twelve months, I am going to spare you all most of that and save them for my own time. I will just state clearly that the path to my next decade seems to have gone from rocky and directly uphill an endless trail in the dark woods, to a gradual climb above the tree line with a summit in sight, with amazing views and terrifying drop offs on the side of trail. I am almost there and the last ten years have for once, looking back, been more of the making of me than the breaking of me. I am braver, smarter, wiser than I was ten years ago. I am also more humble, more willing to laugh at myself and no longer trying to make sense immediately of all the lessons. I figure they’ll explain themselves in time. People have come, they have gone and come back and I expect they will all continue to do that. My constants are like redwoods, tall, strong, reliable and mostly indestructible.

I celebrate that more than you all could know and today, simply just enjoy a small glimpse into the past 12 magical months, before I start planning, sharing and WRITING more about 2020. Just breathing in what just happened. It was a year of so much – there was death, new beginnings, challenges, joy and a lot of love.

On this fourth day of the new year, wishing you all happy days on the trail of life, may the year be kind, joyful and if it sends you challenges, may you be brave, fearless and strong.

2015: Berkshires and the full snow moon

Full moon fever. Perhaps that was it last week under the cold snow moon of February. It was a brilliant night, crisp and freezing. Moon shadows galore, the moon so bright, like day out. Even though it was below freezing and after midnight, I went for a walk, with my twelve coats on of course.

Winter in New England is a choice. After my recent trip to California’s sun and sea, been thinking of a life with out the adversity of cold weather  – earthquakes and fires seem less real to me than frostbite and the pain of forgetting my gloves I guess.

My New England childhood filled me with loads of cold bravery. Icy weather, like life’s ups and downs, does make me stronger. This comment from a girl who didn’t wear socks until she was well over thirty and battled through her teenage and college years in clogs (not always the wisest move).

Back to the full moon…..The snow was sparkling. My boots squelched and squeaked as I walked alone in the still and silent night. I can’t properly put words to the feeling of a really really cold winter’s night – too many have come before me there. The silence, well, it fills me up – it settles me down – my pulse must slow, the only sound my own breathing in and out.

In a field nearby, two deer surprised me and I them. Stopping to just stare at each other before moving on. Magical nature moment. My worries, my life, slipped to the background in my mind. I exhaled my thoughts, like a cloud of smoke into the air.

Asked a friend in paradise, how was it going,  this frosty time of year… was told the counter point story to my freezing middle of the night walk = cafe con leche outside, sunshine, palm trees and bamboo, parrots for company, a deep breath inhaled.

Odd how life sometimes lines up with meaning to – maybe in summer one inhales the warmth to hold it in our hearts, maybe in the winter one exhales to push some warmth into the heart of the world that surrounds us. Maybe the message is just keep breathing in and out and peace finds us all in these moments.

Full moon winter nights do lead to summer sunny days. North and South. A yin to a yang and all that.

Happy February wishes to all. Cold or warm – keep breathing and dreaming.